So if you want to support me so I can spent my time making art, animations comics and games but without any membership stuff and just the one off payment. - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Lordcuckness

I'm also open for coms and offering 20% off my fav games and toons (check description here ->) https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38876943/

But why.

whats the point

why even bother

do i just want to do this because i want a sexual goth gal in my life?

am i genuinly confused (yes)

but why even try

im just a freaky freak

idk

il give things more time to think

no im not trans

i hate the rep that title has now. No thanks to radical power hungry sociopaths

I am me I am the individual, fuck groups and fuck collectives.

eat my ass

The following should be added to a Zelda: Majora's Mask Iceberg..( the very bottom)

-incest themes (Anju and Kafei) Tatl "They look like mother and son lol"

-underage age drinking and sex? (Cremia's hug and offering of milk to Romani)

-Columbine (dou killers, moon, skullkid, or Majora and skullkid)

- ^ same with Undertale Chara and you or Flowery and you lol

If you want to watch me draw porn now and again, please join my public discord server!

https://discord.gg/PgnpE3g

Seriously, I feel terrible again. Yet my life is good.. im in a good position, my life is secure, there are people who love me. i have mostly what I want.

Yet I can't stop getting morbid thoughts out of my head and they are getting worse I think.

Twice now I cut myself in the woods, both not because i was upset.. but simply because I wanted to, felt the urge to. I am not religous yet i found myself praying a few times out of desperation.

But then there is the hatered anger and violent thoughts towards others. Il be relaxing with my head on my partners chest and close my eye, tired. Then thoughts of stabbing them and cuting them or beating them about the head just fill me and its fucking horrible. Its a similar sensation to when you play a video game all day and try to sleep.. naturally you can't get the game out of your head.

I can stand depression but hatred towards others just drains me. And then I think of someone like Randy Stair.. jesus christ I find myself being somewhat reletable towards him. Not entirely thank god. I don;t want to end up like that, id rather die first and foremost. I wonder if he was autistic.. I bet he was, maybe eric and dylan too. I mean they do meet the criteria.. you could make a theory that they were.

If you worried.. please don't, id hang myself way before id get to the point of hurting others.

I know a couple people who went on prozac and describe having more confidence and energy but that this eventually causes alot of unwanted things. And I guess for me if your mind is in a dark place, the last thing you want is more energy being channelled in there.

I think the awnser might be to go off prosac and maybe go on 2.5mg of aripiprazole.

aripiprazole is an antipsycotic drug (lmao never thought id see the day id have to take something like that) normally used to treat bipolar and scizophrenia. But there are studies showing it helps people with autism and their anxiety or obsessive thoughts. Its a serious drug though with side effects.. but 2.5mg cant be that bad?!

If it helps it helps. Id rather go on it. Maybe its not the prozac fucking with me. It did help alot in the beggining, it gave me much needed energy. But its not helpful now, so whats the point. Doctors always think "ah your still depressed, lets up the dosage" no no no, not a good idea. Im on 40mg, still quite a high dosage.. id rather just bring it down to 20 and see if that helps.

Anybody out there take Aripiprazole? what's it like?

My psychiatrist suggested to me, that I could potentially take 2.5 mg of Aripiprazole. As there are studies showing that amount can help treat people on the autistic spectrum. Specfically of obssessive thoughts, violence, anxiety mostly i guess.

The drug scares me though, all drugs have side effects and that one is a serious drug. Though maybe 2.5mg is so small i shouldn't worry about at least trying it.. my psychiatrist did say it is only a suggestion and said i should research it myself which i have a bit and come to my own conclusion. The drugs is mostly used for people who are bipolar or have schizophrenia.

My be worth it, since i feel i am becoming psychotic.

I feel like the main character from Crime and Punishment but without the whole murder thing.

god help me.

PET! pet pet pet pet pat pat pat pat rub rub rub rub

She read my aspergers report and was surprisingly accepting of that personal fact and others..

I think my dad will be the same.. hopefully

damn.. I do have really great perants..

Anyway reading about aspergers has been quite upsetting, because its very relatable.. and makes sense of alot of bullshit including somewhat of the depression. Its both reliefing and a bit sad at the same time. Kinda wish it was detected sooner but hey, it could be way way waaaaaaay worse.. i mean jesus christ poor Chris Chan had it worse and his perants did fuck all to care for him and his condition.

But i must say it is scary. I went through periods were I could see the bare bones of how someone would commit suicide, mass murder, rape and (literally any crime in the book). It was horrible to be filled with that much despair and hatred for humanity and myself. Thankfully.. I THINK I'm over that. Please don't think me a danger, if anything ever got close to that id either commit suicide or admit myself to a hosbital.

I don't mean to be pretentious, but if you suspect you have this its worth getting an assesment. It's worth it if you went through or are going through hell...

well anyway theres an update

back to porn

It actually makes alot of sense to be honest.

And learning about has sent chills down my spine.. everything is very relatable.

well my goal at is to learn all i can about, and to see i can adjust my life in accordance to be heailer and better generally.

to be honest its been upsetting learning about it, for some reason. I guess because alot of it just hits home.

Haven't felt this bad in a while. Depression and anger are a really realllly bad mix.

welp i will always take it out on myself either way. Ppl should be grateful for that. There are some who believe depression is repressed anger, and i can i kinda see what they mean. But god fucking dammit i feel so stuck, so alone and so very much caged. But ironically i am not, I can go out I can do things I can function quite well. I am going to find out soon, that i am proberbly autistic, or on the high functioning end. Not the end of the world but i don't know how I will react, maybe some releief at finally knowing more about myself.

I feel fucking gay and I want to move on from my partner. She sweet but vanilla as fuck and we don't gell as well as she thinks. But I care about her alot and feel for her. I have too much empathy, I dono how to break upl. I have no friends, I dono how to progress, I cant socialise that well besides text and even that is riddled with gramor and spelling errors and my sentances are a bit off in general. I guess at this point im venting, and I am hoping it will help me. Thats why i am doing. Not attention I just need to say some things, but writing in a diary does not have the same inpact, i feels insulting to have to keep these things to myself in a shity little book.

dfsdfsf you might have heard of misanthropy. Sadly I am very much one of those cynical people. And its getting so much worse. I feel content for literally everything, every tiny little detail, someones body language, the look of someones face. seeing magazines and adverts that most would think is normal I see as pure braindead monkeys. Its really hard knowing how to deal with anger, anger at myself and everyone. Thats partly why i make hentai and extreme scat hentai. Its my way of saying fuck you. But in more recent times i have enjoyed it and even make money from it, yes it is sexual but part of it is satiracal too.

I I do all the right things, i stay productive, i work, i excersize, my diet is pretty damn good. Im on meds, I see thearpists and getting diagnosis but I feel like fucking trash. I am out of place and in my own little world. I hate my country and I hate those damn normies everywhere. I am hateful but the tragic part is that I was not always like that. I have just become more and more bitter and now i feel like an old grumpy man.

OI should proberbly go to bed.

If I ever do a face reveal, thats a bad thing, it means i dont plan on existing much longer.

peace i guess, as much as i hate everything, i still feel a bit of hope and love. I still care about people and i still fantasize about them doing well and being happy. But sometimes thats just not enough. Well whatever, I guess tmw is another day. *Shivers* *remembers Tommorow Comes Today by Gorrilaz, a really dark danky song that is somehow relatable*

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu