My thearpist had spoken to me yesterday and had made me even more aware of how false my relationship is.. Well strangely today..

my gf said she loved me a bunch of times and i didnt say it back... ony now it seems she knows i dont love her, just cos of that?

Well besides staying underneath my bed for ages, we just spend the last hour crying and holding each other.. I said i cant let her go..

So I still feel emotional and il admit crying was actually refreshing.. but now i dono what to feel. she said "i should go away right?" while crying and i couldnt take it anymore and cried to and didnt know what to say or do.. thats when we hugged and cried and shook.

And I said i couldnt let her good. I still care about her but now im even more aware of being between a rock and a hard place. Miserable if i stay with her or alot of pain if we break up. Either way i'm not sure now.

I want to avoid this all together and there is only one way to do that and it feels more possible than ever.

Anyway, im closing coms for awhile due to this, anyone getting coms from atm il still do them they just might take longer.