View Profile Lordcuckness
😞🔫 If you can't express yourself, what is the point in being alive? I have a sick mind, Hope i don't loose it altogether. 🔞ADULTS ONLY🔞 Taking commissions soon
I am actually Autistic.


Scat artist.

I am a genuis (no really)

Your mind.

Joined on 8/22/18

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1y 3m 24d

I feel fucking shit

Posted by Lordcuckness - August 20th, 2020

Haven't felt this bad in a while. Depression and anger are a really realllly bad mix.

welp i will always take it out on myself either way. Ppl should be grateful for that. There are some who believe depression is repressed anger, and i can i kinda see what they mean. But god fucking dammit i feel so stuck, so alone and so very much caged. But ironically i am not, I can go out I can do things I can function quite well. I am going to find out soon, that i am proberbly autistic, or on the high functioning end. Not the end of the world but i don't know how I will react, maybe some releief at finally knowing more about myself.

I feel fucking gay and I want to move on from my partner. She sweet but vanilla as fuck and we don't gell as well as she thinks. But I care about her alot and feel for her. I have too much empathy, I dono how to break upl. I have no friends, I dono how to progress, I cant socialise that well besides text and even that is riddled with gramor and spelling errors and my sentances are a bit off in general. I guess at this point im venting, and I am hoping it will help me. Thats why i am doing. Not attention I just need to say some things, but writing in a diary does not have the same inpact, i feels insulting to have to keep these things to myself in a shity little book.

dfsdfsf you might have heard of misanthropy. Sadly I am very much one of those cynical people. And its getting so much worse. I feel content for literally everything, every tiny little detail, someones body language, the look of someones face. seeing magazines and adverts that most would think is normal I see as pure braindead monkeys. Its really hard knowing how to deal with anger, anger at myself and everyone. Thats partly why i make hentai and extreme scat hentai. Its my way of saying fuck you. But in more recent times i have enjoyed it and even make money from it, yes it is sexual but part of it is satiracal too.

I I do all the right things, i stay productive, i work, i excersize, my diet is pretty damn good. Im on meds, I see thearpists and getting diagnosis but I feel like fucking trash. I am out of place and in my own little world. I hate my country and I hate those damn normies everywhere. I am hateful but the tragic part is that I was not always like that. I have just become more and more bitter and now i feel like an old grumpy man.

OI should proberbly go to bed.

If I ever do a face reveal, thats a bad thing, it means i dont plan on existing much longer.

peace i guess, as much as i hate everything, i still feel a bit of hope and love. I still care about people and i still fantasize about them doing well and being happy. But sometimes thats just not enough. Well whatever, I guess tmw is another day. *Shivers* *remembers Tommorow Comes Today by Gorrilaz, a really dark danky song that is somehow relatable*



Comments (2)

I relate to a lot of your issues. i don't really feel like i belong in this world.

Well, I hope things get better for you too brother. Its nice atleast to know someone else feels the same

Hey, I know there's hope, too. Because this shows you care. You haven't given up and you don't like all the hate. You can get better, one step at a time. I believe in you, even though that probably doesn't mean much to you. But people have turned their lives around and they've climbed out of holes just as deep or even deeper than yours. So I know that you can do it. People have great potential in them, and that includes you. So don't give up. Push through this hard period and brighter times will come.
P.S. Don't worry about whether you're autistic or not. It's just a label, doesn't change who you are.
P.P.S. It's good to write out your thoughts. It helps with anxiety, and if this is where you'd most like to do it, go ahead!

Dude thanks! That means alot to me that you wrote this.